As I walked through the gates of this new place, excitement coursed through my trembling nerves. I put on a brave face, entered the room, sat by the sidelines in silence, roamed my curious eyes from corner to corner, patiently waited for things to begin. In comes a person and then it began. I listened to every introduction, forgot a few names, then came my turn. I stood up, introduced myself, saw the awe of everyone, then came the questions. “Why so far?” I honestly didn’t know the answer myself. So, I gave the most acceptable answer. “I wanted to meet new people, be in a new environment and I heard this school was good. So, here I am.” Everyone accepted it then we all moved on.
Flash forward, 3 months in. Everything was going… okay. Well, on the outside. I was slowly failing. Failing to keep up with the efforts of everyone. Failing to meet the standard. Failing to understand. Just slowly failing but still optimistic.
Then, 2 months later. I failed yet again. I wept, sobbed, cried… But, I still tried. Then came the results. I cried yet again but accepted it. I just gave up to keep up with others. I did everything in my own pace. I was relieved… like a burden was off my shoulders.
In comes a new day. New faces, new room, new adjustment… A better adjustment. Content, stress free, happy, good. I realized fast pace is not for me. So I slowed down. But 3 months in, a new challenge came rushing in shocking every person on this planet.
This challenge is something no one can run from but can avoid for as long as it takes. I was okay. I accepted it as it was the only way to do it. I welcomed the chill of it. Did even better than before. Was feeling confident, happy, satisfied, relaxed.
But. here comes the downward spiral. I felt sad for some reason. Felt unconfident. Wanted to hide away… To just disappear. Outside, I was the same. It just came. I wept, sobbed, cried… But, was comforted and took a break.
New Year, New day. I was better again. Still am. But, I realized many things.
Never take insults to heart because it will eat you up especially when you can’t fall a sleep and are laying in bed at 3am.
Never give up on yourself. Give up some things but never yourself.
Friends are not family. Especially if you have just known them for a few months. Frienships that have lasted for what seems like forever are what you treasure.
Family will always be there. No matter what.